Posts Tagged With: dream

The Second Dream–the forgotten one

In this dream, I was living downtown in reality, but the dream was back at my former home. I had been grocery shopping with my baby grandaughter. At the time of this dream, she was about 9 months old. I got back to the house after getting groceries and she was sleeping, so I left the door open as I carried the groceries into the house. It was summertime. I got distracted with putting groceries away and throwing in a load of laundry and what ever other multiple tasks were always calling me away from my real responsibility…Before I had noticed, hours had gone by. I had forgotten her in the car! I remembered this and with horror headed toward the door. I became distracted by some unimportant task again however and ended up forgetting her for hours longer! In my horror I ran to the car and found her screaming and trapped in the car seat, half way hanging out with the shoulder strap under her chin, practically hanging her! I cannot explain the horrible awful incredible guilt I felt. I awoke to see the clock on midnight, which I thought was strange because I had heard that we never dream before midnight. I got up in such a state of unrest that I was crawling out of my skin. I paced around the living room until two am, unable to let go of the horrible sadness I felt that I had forgotten my beautiful granddaughter. I could only pray and ask God to tell me why I was so distressed, since it was just a dream! 

I heard a reply that night in my spirit. It was the echo of the Spirit of God, and He assured me that He would never forget his precious child, but others had, and His heart was breaking as mine was. I resolved that night to remember those who had been forgotten, to the best of my ability and with His help. 

 

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The First Dream

My whole reason for writing this blog is to try and understand why all of these old dreams are coming back into my thoughts. I suppose I don’t necessarily need any interpretations, but I wonder if anyone out there has these experiences? I’m calling them dreams, because I have no other category for them, but this one was not a dream in the way some dreams are.

It was 1990, and I had been going through some difficulty. I was divorced 3 years before, and had much guilt over my failed marriage and hauling my three little girls through the trauma of a family breaking. I had experienced it myself, and swore I would never put my children through the pain. I had managed to steel myself against the guilt and pain, stuffing it until there was no more space to stuff. In that three years, I had remarried, gone to college, and moved to a new town. I did not ask for Gods help, because I was sure He was horribly disappointed with me, and I was in agreement with that. No one told me any differently, and who could have? I stayed away from God, lost. 

I began having some depression, and had two miscarriages that year. Then one day I started crying and I couldn’t stop.It was as if the three years I had stuffed my pain rose up in me all at once. I went to my doctor, and she told me I was having anxiety and depression. I had no idea what that was, I had been working as a dental assistant and a phlebotomist, but mental health was completely off my radar at that time. 

Was she telling me I was crazy? But this was a real feeling! I couldn’t make it stop, and i knew I was not a crazy person. So there is a little background on where I was at the time. I was completely desperate, lost, and knew God had abandoned me for sure.

Then one morning after Brian had left for work I had this experience. I was in bed, laying on my back, and my arm was flopped over the side of the bed. It was aching from the angle it was hanging, and when I tried to pull it toward me I realized I was paralyzed, I couldn’t move. I could hear two people talking. It was not a language I knew, but I knew they were discussing me. I wanted to open my eyes so badly, and as I laid there I could hear them. They were talking about my future. One wondered if I could endure it, or was concerned about my ability to overcome what I would endure. The other one noticed that I was struggling to open my eyes, and seemed alarmed. He said “she’s becoming aware” in that strange language that I did not recognize yet I understood. Then they disappeared, and I sat up. I was totally wierded out. Maybe I told my sister about it, but since I was already afraid I was going crazy I didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened. 

That was my first dream. Those two showed up again in my most current dream this past spring. More later:)

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