Posts Tagged With: disintegrated child

The Big Old Institution

ImageThe next dream in this series of dreams is one I had during another year of change. I had recently been through two deaths in the family. My husbands grandmother, who I had cared for for the last 3 years and then only a few months later, my own mother. My mothers death was a rebirth for me, because through the intense pain and struggles of cancer, through horrible radiation and chemo and long travel to the hospital with my sweet mom struggling to breathe in the car beside me, I realized the total and complete provision of the Comforter. It was a desperate and dark time, but I grew more attached to God than I had ever been, and He healed me during that time from some false beliefs.  The true comfort and peace opened my eyes to the truth, the things that mattered, and I was empowered a short while later to walk away from what had never given true comfort. I became lighter emotionally and physically, strange as it sounds. I learned through more decisions and struggles that only Jesus satisfies me. Only the love of Christ is passionate enough for my hungry soul. Only Jesus… 

A faithful friend reminded me during that time that I had moved “mountains” before, and I could do it again. She was right, and her words were essential reminders for me. People who loved my family came from all around, a person really finds out who they can count on when things get dark! I remember Saturdays being times of gathering in my moms room, chatting and talking and singing…With great fondness I remember the hospice team that was so faithful and careful with my mom, as they had been with grammy just months before. It was an intense introduction to death and dying that my family and friends received that year, and not merely a survey course… 

Not long after this time, yet another struggle in the church. Those of us who were aware of problems were scorned for speaking out, and there were many. There is truly no one to blame as far as I’m concerned other than the district leadership. Those representing the institution had laid aside responsibility for what was happening, again. This is another example for me of the desperate need for mature, qualified, ethical, truly Christlike leadership in all areas of the institution. 

What an effective leader is NOT…(according to my experience) arrogant, boastful, defensive, selfish, harsh, rude, sarcastic, threatening, full of pride, and most of all full of unforgiveness. God can’t use ANY person effectively if these qualities prevail, let alone leaders! When will the Body of Christ learn this? The Body of Christ will lack effectiveness in this world and the signs and wonders promised to follow those who believe will not be evident until we truly believe. Truly believe. TRULY BELIEVE!

Jesus Christ came to help us believe. If we believe all that he taught, we act like it! It’s plain and simple.  I don’t just behave in ways that benefit me, I must behave in ways that benefit others! And when I fail, I must be quick to humbly ask for forgiveness. Power hungry people do not act in ways that benefit others, they refuse to acknowledge responsibility for the pain they cause, and remain proud, rendering themselves useless to God while remaining powerful in their own eyes. Signs and wonders, effective ministry, a growing learning, loving Body? No chance.

Behaviors that God blesses? The Christlike behaviors of course! Do you believe in LOVE? Some folks don’t believe, and It is revealed by their behavior. Until they learn LOVE they cannot lead others to it. They cannot lead the world to the truth, which is the work of God! The disciples asked how they could do Gods work, John 6:28-29… if I believe in LOVE this is how I act; 

28 They replied, “We want to perform God’s works, too. What should we do?”

29 Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

So if we believe, it shows. This is what belief looks like;

1 Corinthians 13 says it like this… I may speak in the languages of humans and of angels. But if I don’t have love, I am a loud gong or a clashing cymbal. I may have the gift to speak what God has revealed, and I may understand all mysteries and have all knowledge. I may even have enough faith to move mountains. But if I don’t have love, I am nothing. I may even give away all that I have and give up my body to be burned.[a] But if I don’t have love, none of these things will help me.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up. 

Love never comes to an end. There is the gift of speaking what God has revealed, but it will no longer be used. There is the gift of speaking in other languages, but it will stop by itself. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will no longer be used. Our knowledge is incomplete and our ability to speak what God has revealed is incomplete. 10 But when what is complete comes, then what is incomplete will no longer be used. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways. 12 Now we see a blurred image in a mirror. Then we will see very clearly. Now my knowledge is incomplete. Then I will have complete knowledge as God has complete knowledge of me.

13 So these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the best one of these is love.  {It’s so pure, so simple,and so beautiful} 

We will be incomplete until we believe! Lord help our unbelief!

NOW on to the dream 2010
I was walking up a long winding hill to a big dark institution with no lights in the windows. I walked into the entrance and into a very large room just beyond. I was in the middle of the room, andI heard a voice. I looked up to see a robed person with an arm pointing off toward a room, the being was hooded and the face was hidden. The words spoken were “What are you going to do about this?” I followed the pointing arm to a small room, and walked over to look into the room. As I went inside, I saw a bathtub. The authority that spoke to me was in there with me. I felt sad as I saw a child in the tub about the age of ten.  Immediately the words “what are you going to do about this?”brought guilt, but I was quickly corrected, “no, you didn’t cause this” I was relieved and felt such affirmation and love from this being that I felt my insecurities dissipate. My first impression was that it was a male child, but I don’t know for sure. The child was “disintegrating” in the tub, and there was no water. The body was dry and crumbling. I felt confident that God was calling me to do something, although I had no instructions. So I picked up the pieces, put them in bags, and turned and walked out of the institution.
Down at the bottom of the long curving driveway, I crossed a road and walked down a grassy slope to a dock. From the dock I stepped onto a large ship and immediately went down into the engine area. The authority that was with me in the institution followed me onto the ship. There were some storage cupboards there, and I leaned over and carefully placed the disintegrated child there. I didn’t know what to do with it. Then the voice spoke again. “you will come back and get this later”. I felt like I had done what I could, but that more would be shown to me. Then I awoke.
 
I started my Pastoral Counseling Masters education just shortly after this, and this dream is part of the “evidence of call” that I submitted with my application. It was only shortly after this dream that The Spirit led me to the PC program that was just beginning at Husson in collaboration with Bangor Theological Seminary. It’s very sad, but since the seminary is closing, the PC program may also be ending. Just as I am finishing.  God is faithful, and we shall see:)
 
Categories: Dreams, spirituality | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.