Back in 2005 I found myself in yet another crisis of faith. The “institution” (foreshadowing a later post…) I was involved in was crumbling again, and I found myself wanting to rescue everyone who was suffering around me. This was a common occurrence in my life, and probably one of the reasons God led me to go get a counseling education. I needed to learn I could not possibly rescue everyone, and God wanted me to be free from all of that worry and concern.
This was one of those experiences that I have difficulty saying it was a dream, but I’m quite sure if I call it anything else people will think I’m nuts. Actually I am a bit nutty, but that’s beside the point and I have very good reasons! I was laying in bed, similar to the dream/experience from an earlier post where I heard the two beings speaking over me. I had been praying, and was incredibly hurt by some lies told about me by one of the power monsters currently in a position of control. I have completely forgotten those lies now, imagine that:)
See, when you really truly love God and people, it is very easy to be caught off guard by the evil actions of others. I think the reason is because we tend to believe everyone thinks and believes like we do. So when true malicious intent becomes undeniable, it is shocking. I had been lied about by someone who had spoken words of wisdom over me, someone who had affirmed my calling in Christ more than once. Someone who I thought I could trust. Another institutional failure. Another idol cast down…man I keep digressing, sorry!
So, I was between wakefulness and sleep and had been praying and telling God about my fresh boo boo…and suddenly I saw this mountain. At the top was a source of light and I knew the throne of God was there. Scattered down the side of the hill were these beautiful places of residence. They were white, and looked like something from a photo of Greece. I was infatuated with photos of Greek hillsides for a long while after this experience, but have since been told that Turkey is more beautiful by some good friends who have a residence there:) I can’t tell you how many houses there were, or even of the size of each, my perspective was strange, and it seemed that what was far away was very close-I can’t describe the perspective-It was new to me. From the top of the mountain there was what looked like a road. It was smooth and glass-like, and it’s beginning was the throne where God was.
This was all observed on the back of my eyelids, and I was afraid to move my eyes because I was afraid it would disappear! I remember being aware of this and thinking, if it is real, it won’t disappear. So I started looking around, and it was still there! To my right there was a gate, and there were towers on either side of the gate that reminded me of the Twin Towers that had fallen a few years before. I followed the road down the mountain where it passed between all of the white residences. It went down into a valley where I saw people. They were standing on either side of the road. It was at this point, I realized that the road was not a road, but a river!
It was as smooth as glass, and without turbulence. It was completely smooth, and so I had assumed it was pavement. But there was something amazing about this river, and this is the highlight of my vision, if I should be so bold. The people who were by the river were very focused on it, and some were getting in it, some were jumping right in, although most were more tentative. There was something incredibly different about this river. Also about the people who were in it. They were most definitely people, but they moved with such grace and beauty that I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I longed to move with such grace! The souls who jumped into the water would emerge with an emotion that I can only describe as EXCRUCIATING JOY! It was so amazing I could actually feel it a little as I watched, you know, how it feels to watch children playing and laughing and enjoying each other? Multiply that by 100,000,000,000!
The more timid souls watched, stuck a toe in, squealed with joy and jumped back overwhelmed! The joy available was limitless! Some of the people ran toward the water and cannonballed into it! The ones who were watching were laughing and enjoying the fun, and becoming more and more brave about stepping into the river. Each time someone came up from being completely submerged in the water, the joy expressed was UNSPEAKABLE AND UNDENIABLE!
I watched for what seemed like a long time, and was amazed by such happiness and joy and love! Totally unencumbered by worry! Even the timidity of the careful ones was shown to me to be their personality, as they savored the experience morsel by morsel, thoroughly enjoying observing the joy of their company!
Then I heard a voice behind me and it said these words, “YOU CAN HAVE THIS”. I turned around to see the voice, and my vision was gone. I sat up in bed full of questions! The first one was WHEN? Now,or when I’m in Heaven? I felt very sure that the statement was left open for a reason, and I still wonder exactly why.