Have you ever experienced abandonment? An all pervasive knowledge that you have been forever forgotten?Forsaken? I have, and it haunted me for years. God is healing me from it now, but it has taken lot’s and lot’s of convincing…
When I was 19, I had a beautiful baby girl. I lived in an old shabby apartment and drove an old shabby car that burned too much oil. My husband at that time worked for his brother at a local tire business, which meant even though I burned lots of oil, I could at least have decent tires. We were at the end of a huge snow storm, and my sister in law had come over to follow me to the tire mart to get some used snow tires put on our cars that the guys had set aside for us.
As I pulled out of the driveway of our apartment,(she had pulled out ahead of me) I noticed the long haired guy from upstairs was shoveling out his parking spot. He was a quiet guy who smoked a lot of something…but nice. As I pulled out past the huge snowbank, and onto the street I saw my sis in laws car, running, in the middle of the road. I honked and waited. Eventually I got out and went to see what was holding her up but she was not in the car. It was sitting there, running in the middle of the road. Where was she? With terror, I thought what any good evangelical 19 year old girl would think when she had not been to church for two years…the Rapture.
I ran back to my car convinced my baby would be gone, but there she was. Rather than feel relief that God could not possibly have left an innocent baby so there must be some other explanation, I was instead horrified that my lack of faithfulness had caused her to be left behind also. The knowledge was too much for me, and I started to pass out as my world turned gray.
Just then, the neighbor who had been shoveling out his spot came around the snowbank. He saw me fall and came over saying “are you alright? What’s wrong?” to which I replied “the rapture!” He said “your appendix ruptured? What?” I said no, the rapture! When Jesus comes back and takes all the Christians to Heaven, He didn’t take me, and my baby got left too! I was faint and having a hard time staying conscious.
Then I saw his face, and I knew somewhere it was striking a memory with him. (which is probably why he smoked so much stuff) He said, “Oh no, Oh man! How do you know?” I pointed to the car sitting in the middle of the road and said my sister in law was just right here! She pulled out ahead of me, but only a second before me! She disappeared from the car! I was beside myself, literally. And now he was not doing so well either.
Then He looked at me and said, So why was she in my car?
I suddenly realized, they both drove the same car. Same color, same year, same model. He had been shoveling out his parking spot. His car was in the road, running…
When you stop laughing, take a moment and think about this. Is it any wonder I still have stray PTSD symptoms? Why would a God of love treat His child this way? I now say He wouldn’t. He never leaves us or forsakes us. It was never His intention.